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Hot take: there’s no friend quite as important as the one you can have a sleepover with. Because while some friendships can be built on alcohol, trauma bonds, or general proximity, the strongest friendships may be built on pimple patches, morning breath, and similar circadian rhythms.
The “sleepover friend,” as I like to call it, is a distinct dynamic: it’s a bond that feels effortless, completely free of awkward silences and debilitating small talk. You can be completely yourself — retainer in, Adam Sandler shorts on, and zero worries about how you’ll look when you wake up.
This friendship is more than just sharing a bed, though. With a sleepover friend, you’re effortlessly in sync, always knowing when to fall asleep, when it’s time to DoorDash, and when to leave without needing to be told. “They’re the kind of friend who always feels welcome without ever overstaying,” friendship expert Shari Leid says.
But just like you may not be able (or want) to travel with every friend, you also won’t be able to have a sleepover with every friend in the group chat, which is perhaps what makes your sleepover friend even more special. Ahead, Leid explains why everyone needs this type of friendship in their life.
Experts Featured in This Article
Shari Leid is a friendship expert and life coach at An Imperfectly Perfect Life.
What Is a Sleepover Friend?
A mix between a couch friend and a VIP friend, a sleepover friend is someone with whom you can completely be yourself. “You don’t feel the need to clean up, fix your hair, or stock the fridge before they come over,” Leid says. “There’s no pressure to entertain or watch the clock because your home feels like theirs and vice versa.”
In some ways, a sleepover friend is like a platonic significant other or maybe even a long-lost sibling. Not only can you trust this person completely, but you can have any type of conversation with them — no matter how deep or surface-level. “They’re not just a friend, they’re your confidant, your safe space, and someone who truly knows the real you,” Leid says.
Though you may have different requirements that you look for in a sleepover friend, here are some personality traits and characteristics that might make someone a good sleepover friend, according to Leid:
- They’re flexible and down for anything. If you want to stay up all night crashing out over your ex’s new relationship, they’re there. If you want to sleep early so you can hit up an early morning Pilates class, they’re also there.
- They make themselves at home — and not in an annoying way. You don’t have to cater to them because they already know how to make themselves at home, like getting the coffee started in the morning or bringing over your favorite smoothie.
- They offer unconditional support. Through the good and the bad, you can trust your sleepover friend with anything. (You also won’t find them ever snooping through your medicine cabinet.)
- You share similar routines and lifestyles. Whether you’re a morning riser or night owl, they’re probably the same.
- Their presence is comforting to you. In other words, you don’t have to try when you’re around them. Conversation and silence are both easy and effortless.
The Importance of Having a Sleepover Friend
A sleepover friend may be the most intimate friendship you have in your life (but not in a sexual way). These types of friends simply get you and love you for who you are. “They offer the kind of comfort and unconditional support we hope for in a family,” Leid says. “Having someone like that in your life nurtures your heart and soul in a way that reminds you you’re never alone.”
When you don’t want to be deep, they are the perfect person to make TikTok dances or eat pints of ice cream with. But when you are struggling with something, they shift into dad-friend mode and will be there for you in a heartbeat.
Of course, it’s hard to naturally get to this level with someone. But if you don’t have a sleepover friend yet, Leid encourages you to make it a goal to find one. Yes, it may take time, but the friendship benefits are worth sharing the bed for. “You’ll be amazed at how it deepens your life and theirs,” she says. “It’s the difference between being a guest in someone’s life and truly doing life together.”
Taylor Andrews (she/her) is the balance editor at Popsugar, specializing in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, travel, and more. With seven years of editorial experience, Taylor has a strong background in content creation and storytelling. Prior to joining PS in 2021, she worked at Cosmopolitan.
