Paramount may have shut down The Late Show with Stephen Colbert and muted 60 Minutes, but apparently they were too afraid to silence Matt Stone and Trey Parker, because South Park returned last night and went absolutely ripsh*t on the President.
The episode opens with Eric complaining that the President has canceled NPR, “the funniest show ever, where all the lesbians and the Jews complain about things.” Things only get worse when he gets to school and learns that the President has gone super Christian and literally invited Jesus into their school.
Eric is devastated. “Woke is dead. Everyone hates the Jews. Everyone is fine with using gay slurs… it’s terrible, because now I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” he complains. The townspeople are equally upset with the current administration. “All I’ve seen him do is arrest people and sue everyone.”
When the townspeople confront the President, he insists, “No one makes fun of me.” He’s also sleeping with Satan, whom he threatens to sue when Satan refuses to have sex with him. A sullen Satan asks, “Are you on the list or not? It’s weird that when it comes up, you just tell everyone to relax.”
“I’m not telling everyone to relax. Relax, babe,” the President replies.
60 Minutes is too terrified to report on the protests in South Park, afraid of upsetting the President. Meanwhile, the townspeople are furious. “We all know that woke went too far, but the answer is not to go too far the other way.
“It’s not a bad thing to have a little compassion. It’s not a bad thing to care a little about the environment.”
Even Jesus chimes in: “I didn’t want to come into your schools, but I had to or the President would sue me. Just shut up or we’re going to get canceled, you idiots. All of you shut the f**k up or South Park is over,” he warns.
In the end, South Park settles for $3.5 million. “That’s not so bad. We’ll just have to cut some funding for our schools and hospital and roads.”
They also agree to include some pro-Trump messaging. The final scene shows the President — clearly an AI-generated version — walking naked through the desert. It’s not flattering. He collapses, rolls over, and we see his penis. The closing message reads: “Trump: His penis is teeny tiny, but his love for us is large.”
Um, good luck with that merger, Paramount.
